Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Great New Job

Job: # 4377

Company: Financial Services Company

Location: Meltdown

Details: The now friendless non-executive Chairman of the Board of Directors at one of the world's largest Real Estate firms is seeking a Personal Driver, Gal/Guy Friday, and new best friend.

This position is very high stress and will entail a wide range of responsibilities. They will include everything from comforting the weeping, huddled mass that was formerly the cocksure Chairman, scampering around New York City to take him out for pancakes and ice cream, providing structure to his shattered life, and doing some personal shopping.

A valid Driver's license, a lack of recently diminished personal investments, and no real concern for the future of the economy are a must! The ideal candidate for the job will be New York savvy and also have a great attitude toward despondent sobbing and a very flexible mentality.

- Drive the Chairman around Manhattan while he plays with his old G.I.Joes in the backseat; always choosing the best and quickest route to Shake Shack and McDonalds for the Happy Meals.
- Running personal errands to bring him stuffed animals while he sucks his thumb under his bed.
- Helping the household staff with shopping and errands.
- Coordinate and serve food at private dinner parties for the Chairman and Mr. Panda.
- Assist with household tasks such as shedding documents, finger-painting the walls, cleaning the chairman's bottom, etc.
- Travel with the Chairman to the Hamptons and Palm Beach occasionally and help the building of SandCastles.

- Prior experience as a Driver is preferred but not required.
- Ability to navigate New York City flawlessly.
- Perfect driving record and impeccable references from all previous employers.
- Willingness to take a grown man who has soiled him self down from a ledge.
- Must be incredibly well mannered and poised.
- Strong interpersonal communications skills don't matter, as the Chairman is functionally a child again.
- A no task too big or small mentality.

SALARY: $60-65 a week + benefits + bonus.
HOURS: 8am - 6pm with flexibility to work on occasional evenings.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Of Fall

The bones say, "This will be a mean season." The season has come early this year and already thickly codes itself upon the air, filling breaths and muzzling voices. Darkening days gnaw upon the memories of summer, and time draws out along dreadful paths. Winds shift, water becomes less a refuge and rather soon, it changes and becomes a tomb. Look on it with eyes narrowed against the cold. It appears always as an ever-widening hole to be pushed away. An abyss devoid of warmth with a strange perspective. Peering over the edge into the endless gape where light falls forever, tugging with a sharp weight at the back of your eyes. The shudder you feel is the thought, that perhaps it is your heart, into which you've chanced a look.

I am weary in facing it, already worn thin and heavily weighed upon.

But there is also promise. There are memories of a singular sort of warmth. A warmth attainable only in respite from the incomparable northern coldness. It is a fire found far from the sun-soaked days of summer. It comes when trees are locking themselves away, shutting tight their skin to hold their sap We remember it is warm somewhere, we trust to that. Warm faces, and warm beds, and fires dancing where lips touch.

Sunday, September 14, 2008


A person's feeling out there, in the rain, the striking to their skin all of those clouds let loose on 'em, and there ain't nothing more for them to do than to lift their face to it and whisper, "Logan's Run."

And that is what we have to do now: run. Not away from it but into the winds and the rain. We've got to take our shot, get while the gettin's even on the table, saddle the eye of the storm and slap down hard on grit 'n leather to make er so. We're apocalyptin' the chosen and sending up supplicants in the new shine way, and its all got a name: Election.

Yes yes, we have ourselves an E=lection, massive times the speed of light thrice. They might have had something similar in the past, but ain't never there been a doin's just so. This one is the marble itself, made up of future sands and heated on the coals of the past, poured out from the crucible of the last dance onto the stone at the crossroads where we're hitchhiking on towards the godhead. It's maybe the most important game we've ever played. We'll sling a sack and tell 'em its the end of the slide and the right's tuck-backed teabagger, motorboating son-of-a-bitch on the pleasure cruise. It's all or nothing.

Can you smell the tack of fiery hooves on the posterior rump of the thunder-head? The pale horse and he that rides up him?

They keep asking, "Is she ready?" No, you morons, she isn't. She said she didn't blink when he asked her, and that's a bad sign. If there is ever a time to blink, and to blink long and hard, it's that moment, and it's that question. Because following that question is a flood that you better blink at, and you NEED to think about, and you don't blink straight off you likely never will. So this is why it's running time, and we're trying to outrun this:

We've been too long laying all our savings on quagmire futures and the commodities of end-times.

What we want, we got an understanding to at 8:46 in the morning some years back but not everyone's learned the lesson. Hatred isn't born, you've got to be learned on it. It is poverty's steel ruler across the knuckles and reading a book guaranteed to notch a paper cut, and the rub is the poison of ignorance coating the edge of each page. That was the enemy and we saw the whites of his eye. But too many pretended we didn't see, and chose not to pit ourselves against ignorance and poverty when the buildings came down. We can fight those villains. You can call down the thunder of logic and fires of charity and wade in among the clamor of melee to swat and fell and sunder the breeding grounds of chaos.

But we called out something else and let it be our enemy, and its terrible infection plagues not our bodies but our minds. It furthers the banners of disconsolation and despair, making us all agents and purveyors of strife. But it is now days and years later, and we know better now. We know more because we have not forgotten while they largely have. They "don't get it". They may be able to stand in Alaska and see the former Soviet Union, but they can't see the net cast into the past that drew in the fearsome catch of September 11, 2001. The phony Mayor of America uses what we have not forgotten as a cheap feather in his shoddy hat. but we will yet loose the faithful lightning of our terrible swift sword to banish the lies, to rend the corrupt, and the free the lady of liberty once more.

We cannot leave it to them, because they cannot do it, nor do they want to, and it MUST be done.

I too watched this seven years ago, and felt much the same:

Victory will yet come, as a road, as a school, as a hospital, and as hope.

*special thanks to Snobber, Dan the Webgoblin, John Stewart, and my friends for remembering.

Thursday, September 04, 2008


...well we must delve, after all, deeply, among the hills we've built. We must bore through our procrastination and perspiration alike, haul out the sediments we've left fallow as we pull apart the landscape and shuffle it back together. When we're at our best, we're magicians, always able to follow the ace of spades, no matter how deep it ays buried.